I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
