dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
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So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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