I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
