how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
