i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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