who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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