hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
we're so committed to being not committed
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
