Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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