Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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