so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
