Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
