I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
