Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
