I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
