I want to have your abortion
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize