don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
