So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
