You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
