i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
