Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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