Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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