I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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