im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
