I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
