biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
