Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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