Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
