belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
