Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
