Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
