You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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