Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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