I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
