i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Yo dont text me then not text me
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
