Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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