I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
