I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She's the barista slut.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
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