My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
