She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
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