chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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