It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
