I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
