I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
