and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
