That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
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We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
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Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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