you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
