last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
