I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
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Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.