just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.