drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.