she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.