Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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