He is such a slut. More and more my type.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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