peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
