Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
