you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
