Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
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im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize