ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
