if i can run in heels then i can drive
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
