3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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