I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
