I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
