Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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