At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
