Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
