the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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