Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
