if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
