where am i from again
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
