Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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