My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
