maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
