Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
