I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
