I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
