I can tuck mytits in my pants
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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