Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize