The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
