My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
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he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
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It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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