Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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