You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We need to get me chipped asap
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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