i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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