If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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