you mean i was at the winter classic?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
