The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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